Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
