you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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