My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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