oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want her autograph on my taint
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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