why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
