I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
