is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
