Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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