Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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