sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
