nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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