I think I died a long time ago.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
