think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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