I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
