My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
