Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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