Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
