he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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