Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
