Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to fling myself into the sun
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