I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
