I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
