did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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