My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
