Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
