We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
