Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
