You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
