i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
