Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
