If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize