i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
