Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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