Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Someone came in the potted fern
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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