I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
