When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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