Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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