So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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