This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
