All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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