I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
