I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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