My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
