my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
