The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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