He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
