Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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