Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
