Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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