i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
