I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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