does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
