Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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