I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
