yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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