She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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