Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
