Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
