I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i now understand why vodka
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
