Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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