Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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