When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
