You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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