I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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