I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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