me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
