does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
