i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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