I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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