Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
