I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
tell me about the eggs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
