He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
