How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
