What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
