so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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