Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
