i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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