I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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