I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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