see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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