i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
