I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
