period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
