We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
